FROM AN EMPTY AUTUMN DITCH TO A DREARY WINTER BOOTH
Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
The people of the UK woke up this morning to the shocking news that, despite his vehement promise, their Prime Minister had not been found dead in a ditch. Searches up and down the Kingdom, covering England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, where ditches are particularly many, tangled and deep, revealed them all to be void of a Prime Minister. There was a surfeit of cans, plastic bottles, tattered Halloween outfits, used condoms, busted wardrobes by the dozen and a number of bed frames and mattresses showing evidence of people having been busy making the beast with two backs.
The UK Prime Minister gave a solemn promise that he would die in a ditch if UKexit/Brexit did not happen at Halloween. The fact that ditches across the UK do not contain a dead Prime Minister leads to a number of speculations:
Firstly, that the Prime Minister has fallen into a ditch at sea.
And having thrown him from your watery grave,
Here to have death in peace is all he'll crave.
That he’s somewhere on the shipping lane between Belfast and Liverpool, resting on a wet border in a seabed of new tariffs.
Here to have death in peace is all he'll crave.
That he’s somewhere on the shipping lane between Belfast and Liverpool, resting on a wet border in a seabed of new tariffs.
Secondly, that though he has indeed passed, he has not passed into immortality in a ditch, but, through the zombie machinations of arch-ghoul Dominic Cummings, who wears a permanent false face, regardless of season, that the Prime Minister is no longer human, but is, in fact, a changeling, taken by the Other World and returned to the UK even more malevolent, damaged and flawed than before, no longer to be named Boris, but from now on to be known as Síofra.
With that in mind, UK voters will enter dreary booths in December and adjust their preferences accordingly. Otherworldly promises will be made, gifts offered, platitudes, enticements and appeasements laid before them.
So, let's see: it was told me I should be
rich by the fairies. This is some changeling:
open't. What's within, boy?
rich by the fairies. This is some changeling:
open't. What's within, boy?
The election will decide if UK subjects will be ruled by a Síofra or by a human, a much-traduced human, in the person of the leader of the Opposition, who is variously coloured ‘flaming red’ and ‘dithering magnolia’.
Meanwhile …
Number of food parcels given out across UK soars 73% in five year
New data released today shows April 2018 to March 2019 to be the busiest year for food banks in the Trussell Trust’s network since the charity opened. During the past year, 1,583,668 three-day emergency food supplies were given to people in crisis in the UK. More than half a million of these (577,618) went to children. This is an 18.8% increase on the previous year.
The main reasons for people needing emergency food are benefits consistently not covering the cost of living (33%), and delays or changes to benefits being paid.
Quake in the present winter's state and wish
That warmer days would come:
That warmer days would come:
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